This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
