You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
