I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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