why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize