Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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