Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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