I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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