i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Send help, water and tortillas.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
