Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
BRING THE BAGELS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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