this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
