I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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