You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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