saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
