ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
