Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
