I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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