i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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