When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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