I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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