nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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