So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
