weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
