should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
