he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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