I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
