Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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