How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
