dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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