it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
