I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
