This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
