direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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