how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
