Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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