This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
