My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
