No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
