No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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