Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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