I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
