I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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