He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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