Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
