Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Someone came in the potted fern
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
