I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
