so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
