***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You can't motorboat a personality
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I deserve to be covered in dicks
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
