She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
