No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
