I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
